


Memories Aren't Made of This

by shaggydogstail



Series: South [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Post PoA, Reunion, Sirius flies South
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 09:36:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10273892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaggydogstail/pseuds/shaggydogstail
Summary: If he starts to tell Sirius how glad he is to have him back at all, he isn't sure he'll ever be able to stop.Follow up toSouth Sea Bubbles





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [secretsolitaire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretsolitaire/gifts).



It's past midnight when Sirius takes Remus back to his hotel, a boxy, white-faced building overlooking the beach. Sirius' room - which is more like an apartment, really - is modern and pleasant enough, if a little soulless. Remus notices, but doesn't comment on, the hospital corners on the bed that tell him Sirius hasn't slept in it, though he can't resist raising an eyebrow at the tell-tale patch of black fur on the sofa.

'Sleep better that way,' mutters Sirius, the words coming out like an apology.

Remus can't blame him, but he knows better than to offer Sirius sympathy if he can avoid it. 'You snore less when you're a dog as well.'

There's the whisper of a grin on Sirius' face as he looks up and retorts, 'you're a fine one to talk.'

'I don't snore,' says Remus indignantly.

'Do so.'

'Do not.'

'Do so.'

'Do not.'

'Moony, how would you know?' Sirius throws his hands up in exasperation. 'You're asleep at the time.'

'I...' Remus stops dead in his tracks, and smiles. This, _this_ is Sirius as he remembers him - lively, argumentative, and always ready to out-manoeuvre him with lightning wit. His chest tightens at the thought, the giddying hope that maybe, just maybe, he might stand a chance of getting Sirius back after all. 'I suppose you're right,' he concedes.

'Well, naturally.' Sirius shrugs with good-natured arrogance, but the lightness of his expression soon darkens, dragged back down with the guilt and self-doubt that hovers over him like a storm-cloud.

Remus watches him, uncertain, and finds himself wishing that James was there. James always knew what to do or say to coax Sirius out of his darkest moods, much as Remus had envied him for it at the time. The irony is not lost on Remus - all that time he'd spent wishing he could have Sirius to himself, never imagining that the price of getting what he wished for would be so high. James' death has made him more of a barrier between them than he ever was alive, and Remus is left with the scraps of Sirius, the half-broken shell of a man he once believed to be indestructible. That Sirius can't turn away from him now in favour of something better is cold comfort indeed.

The silence lengthens and grows uncomfortable, broken only by the chirruping of insects and the distant roar of the ocean. Remus has no words to cover the situation, so for once he just does what he really wants instead - he crosses the room quickly and pulls Sirius into his arms.

There's a moment's resistance as Sirius stiffens on contact, his back and shoulders going rigid at what must be unfamiliar contact. Remus holds him tight anyway, and gradually Sirius starts to relax, laying his head on Remus' shoulder and wrapping his arms around his waist. Sirius is still unnaturally thin, all awkward bones and wasted muscles, but he feels warm and solid, more _real_ than he had that night in the Shack. The progression from looking like death to death warmed up isn't much, but it's more than Remus thinks he's got any right to expect.

When Remus pulls back at last he keeps his hands on Sirius' arms and his eyes locked on Sirius' face. 'I missed you,' he says softly. 'Even when... before I knew the truth, I always missed you.'

He doesn't believe he's entitled to reciprocation, but there must be something that resembles expectation on his face. Sirius smiles bitterly in return.

'You want me to say I missed you too?' he asks. Remus suspects that Sirius is trying to control his anger, but there's still a note of scorn in his tone. Sirius backs away from him and continues talking. 'Do you want me to say that I was pining for you the whole time I was in Azkaban? Like that would be fucking _romantic_ or something?'

'No, of course...' Remus looks away, embarrassed. He should shut up, or leave, or change the subject, but because he's stupid or a masochist, quite possibly both he asks, 'you didn't think about me at all?'

'No,' says Sirius simply. 'Not once. Not while I was in Azkaban.'

'Right.' Remus stares down at his feet. Well, what did he expect after he left Sirius to rot in prison? He didn't deserve to have Sirius give him a second thought. Except... damnit, was he really that easily forgotten? Sirius had claimed to be _in love_ with him after all.

Remus is on the brink of working himself up into a full-on sulk, possibly questioning why he bothered coming all this way at all when he becomes aware that Sirius has moved back towards him again, standing so close that Remus can hear him breathing.

'Dumbledore must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel these days,' says Sirius quietly, 'if he's appointing Defence teachers who don't even know how Dementors work.'

The loss of his teaching job is still raw enough for the comment to hit hard, and Remus can feel the anger surging up inside him. His mouth is open for an angry retort, but then he remembers his own words when he taught Harry about the Dementors. 

_You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life_.

Remus lets his mouth hang open stupidly. 'Oh,' he manages at last.

'Oh,' repeats Sirius, pointedly. He might actually be smirking.

'Sorry.' Remus looks up at Sirius and smiles. It's ridiculous, really, considering everything that Sirius has been through, for Remus to be happy _not_ to be included in his worst memories. Still, now that he's figured it out, Remus finds himself absurdly pleased by the notion.

This time it's Sirius who reaches for him, a tentative hand placed on the crook of Remus' elbow. 'I didn't... couldn't think about you in there,' he says slowly. 'Doesn't mean I forgot you.'

'No?'

'Don't be daft,' says Sirius. 'Never forget you, Moony.'

Sirius' tone is light again, almost playful, and if Remus closes his eyes he can almost imagine that no time has passed at all, that this is just Sirius teasing him gently like he always did. He laughs, pulling Sirius back towards him and raising a hand to smooth down that tangled mass of hair.

'I'm glad I made an impression,' says Remus. He'd like to add, _because I could never forget you_ or _because I love you_ or _you won't get another chance to forget, because I'll never let you go again_ , but it's all too much. If he starts to tell Sirius how glad he is to have him back at all, he isn't sure he'll ever be able to stop. Instead, he just leans forward and kisses him, chastely, on the corner of the mouth.

Sirius looks startled, his eyes dilating as Remus pulls back. There's a terrible moment when Remus thinks he's overstepped the mark, pushed things too far, until Sirius' face breaks into a grin. 

'You still do,' he says. Sirius' face is lightly flushed, his eyes glassy, and his smile warmer and more open than any expression Remus has seen him wear all day. It's all the incentive Remus needs to pull him back close again and kiss him properly.

There's still a little resistance as Remus presses their mouths together, and Sirius is awkward, obviously unpractised. Remus can feel Sirius' heart pounding inside that bony chest, and Sirius' hands are trembling. His lips are dry, brittle from the sun, with a hint of grease from the churros they ate earlier. There's none of the confident precision of the younger Sirius' kisses, and Remus can almost taste the years of isolation on his tongue.

It doesn't matter. It's nearly thirteen years since he last kissed Sirius and Remus held scant hope of ever doing it again. That alone is enough to make it one of the best kisses Remus has ever had.

One kiss doesn't make it all better. But it's a good start.


End file.
